Weeds Between Buildings, Pictures On My Hard Drive

Out of nowhere I am seeing all these guys. They talk, they seem to have fun. I'm drunk. Again. Dunno when or how, but I am here. Again. A few moments ago, I was in the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. My face gave me the creeps. It looked like I was totally fucked up. Again. I know I won't remember several things. It's another blackout. Dunno remember the first time I experienced one, but, at some point, I must have realized that I was speaking with someone else, about who knows who. We were inside a dark and noisy room, we were surrounded by a lot of people, and I said something, I sort of woke up from a dream and then I was talking, and this girl was looking at me, explaining to me that I wanted to get into the ladies room, and then I hated myself. 

A few days ago, I did it again. I went to the opening of a clinic, there was a lot of wine. I sat close to some sort of Raoul Duke, he was my mentor 10 years ago, and he started to talking about how I made him angry, I tried to not contradict him, but I remembered in particular a tutorial exam, he asked me something about my doctoral project and I knew the answer but I hesitated and then he said exactly what I was thinking, and I said it, and obviously I made him angry. Suddenly, we were talking about a professor that was his first PhD student, this guy drove racing cars and I met him in my last work at the academy. Duke at some point said Good Bye and then I moved to a group of colleagues, they were talking about silly things, but I really had to lead the conversation to another topic, we ended talking about politics and psychiatry. 

At some point, I went to the bathroom and I realized that I was so fucked up, I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I had this stupid and uncontrollable smile, and flashbacks of these Korsakoff's psychosis –how gorgeous and elitist was this colleague I was talking with?–, and I just wanted to disappear. I hate to end like this. I must quit, stop drinking wine. I quit smoking twice. But I cannot stop drinking alcohol. I barely remember that someone gave me a smoke. That I said something wrong. I will feel so guilty. A thousand years from now.

And You Wanted To Dance, So I Asked You To Dance

It was a cold sunday evening, when I attended for the first time to an Eagles Of Death Metal show. Someone gave me a couple of free tickets for the festival in which they would play that evening. It happened in Mexico City, in a festival called Corona Capital.

When I heard the studio albums of the band, long before the show, I did not like them at all. I knew Josh Home was somewhat involved in the band, so I thought this band was similar to Queens Of The Stone Age. When I realized they were a funny band, I felt disappointed.

Then, at a show in Paris, they became sadly famous because they were playing when some crazy killers started to shot innocent people. I did not understand why this funny band was in the middle of such a tragedy, but I listened to their albums again.

It was almost 7: 00 pm, when Jesse Hughes and the rest of the band came up to the stage. Ironically, I was really close to the stage. I never do that, even when one of my favorite bands plays. People was enthusiastic and intrigued because of the involvement of Eagles Of Death Metal in the terrorists attacks in France almost a year ago.  Shortly after the band appeared, a popular mexican mariachi song sounded and people started to sing it along and they became crazy.

Before a brief introductory speech, Jesse Hughes and the band started with I Only Want You, and they sounded terrific and powerful, like I never expected. They were a better band than I thought. Obviously, I felt so bigoted and dumb.

The show continued with the same intensity. The frontman was so dynamic, danced here and there, and talked to the audience all the time. At some point, he put on a jacket allusive to David Bowie. Then, the band made a cover of Moonage Daydream and people got wild. Later on, they played Duran Duran's Save A Prayer, and I fall in love with the band. Since then, I cannot stop listening this version. It's really a great cover. 

My point of view changed completelely. From now on, I will not judge a band from a studio album but from its live music.

I Only Want You

Save A Prayer

I'm Killin' Your Brain Like A Poisonous Mushroom

She moved her hips, her arms and her legs

And her fake blonde hair also wrapped everything around

I was 11 years old, and I had never heard of that song

As we listened up, a friend of mine complained about it

He recognised, it was based on a sampler of a David Bowie's song

Her name was Jenny, and everyone in highschool knew about her

She had a badass tattoed boyfriend, and he had a motorcycle

As one long cloudy afternoon, she was beautiful and fragile

She was a different girl, she seemed a Caucassian teenager

As her body moved, my heart exploded and I was hypnotised and fragile

Jenny was a beauty, and everybody loved her in highschool

Some guys used to spy on her between classes

Some of them even said they watched her underwear

While she walked thru the alley of the third floor

I thought many times about the magic wisdom of her underwear

I couldn't stop seeing her dancing on that yellow recess

My friend couldn't stop complaining about that sampler

Girls used to rap everyday and guys used to dress like Vanilla Ice

It was 1991 and Jenny danced under the heat of that summer rays

I lost my will and thought I could imitate the tediously unvarying voice of Vanilla Ice

A few months later, Jenny had an awful accident in the motorcycle

Her badass boyfriend tried to avoid the red lights and a truck appeared out of nowhere

Jenny never returned to highschool, and someone told me her head crashed into the ground

And that she flew away for seconds and her legs also broke as she fall down

Her friends said she wouldn't dance again and that she suffered a terrible brain damage

And The Stars Look Very Different Today

It's 3 o'clock in the morning 
The city has a silent mood
Meg White plays drums underneath my brain

I'm lying on the matress 
The blanket is full of cozy childish thoughts

I'm quite dumb 
In my dream, I repeated to myself 
'I would love to fall in love' 

The sunlight spots spit slowly into my mind 
I was in another bedroom
It was full of magical trees 
It was full of gigantic wooden buildings 

'How much do I desire to fall in love?', I asked to myself

I thought everybody lies, loves and hates on a daily basis
I saw myself as a stupid guy, sporadically writing and looking at the clock
Burned memories crossed the alleys of my brain
Maybe I was too stoned to understand all the symbols 

Suddenly, my left arm was damaged
It felt like if a hot needle scrapped thru my skin 

'Well, you're in love', I repeated to myself
There was a Queen possessing my brain 
She was a chubby girl and she looked like Meg White 

She raised her eyebrows and her eyes were covered with sun glasses 
Her lips were made up like a woman of nineteenth-century royalty
And I thought that she had a perfect vision and that her lips were murderous 

Off this space 
Burned memories floated like a sneeze  
As they crossed the alleys of my brain 

They were also soaked by some kind of bloody water 

'I like you so much...', I repeated to myself

My skin crashed with a deafening and invisible touch
I thought it was the way DNA exploded thru hallucination

'I cannot stop thinking about you...', I repeated to myself and I felt so guilty

You're so cruel, lady!
Leave me alone!

I still feel you
Inside my head
Scratching my skin 
Like a needle attached to a loaded heroin syringe

I'm counting backwards 
Like if I was about to escape from Earth 

This sensation is painful 
I hear this song out of nowhere 
As I remember you as Meg White 
As I feel devastated by the deafening drums 

I'm waking up 
I feel so thirsty that I could drink gallons of water 

3: 00 a. m.

This powerful silent mood of the night
Whispers to me like a drug

I'm too dumb and I still think about you 
I still close my eyes and I see you
I still sigh and I remember your smell 

You smelled like a nineteen year old girl
But your soul was an older soul 

You smelled like burning sex
Like starved Emperor penguins feeding each other
Thru the endless winter

[Space Oddity-David Bowie]