Saturday, September 26, 2026

Se me olvida que no somos iguales

Conforme transcurre cualquier curso que imparto, desde el minuto 1 siempre tengo presente que no soy ni seré amigo de los estudiantes. Siempre. Algunas veces la interacción puede ser excepcional. Generalmente es una interacción promedio: algunos estudiantes participan y preguntan, pero la mayoría están concentrados en quién sabe qué memes o cosas en sus teléfonos, o conversando en voz baja y llevando al límite mi control de impulsos. Otras veces –muy pocas– la interacción es tensa, como un cuchillo cortando el aire. Ocasionalmente –sobre todo si los estudiantes son muy jóvenes–, la interacción es nula. Sin embargo, cuando la interacción es excepcional, siempre tengo presente que no soy ni seré amigo de ningún estudiante; que nunca fomentaré la cercanía con ningún estudiante, que nunca cruzaré esa delgada línea entre docente y estudiante, incluso si el estudiante me cae muy bien.

Pero cuando se trata de mis redes sociales, se me olvida que tampoco soy ni seré amigo del 99% de todos mis contactos. Hasta me cuesta trabajo darme cuenta de que ni siquiera el 1% restante de todos esos contactos en todas mis redes sociales son mis amigos. Así que cuando subo algún Reel que creé y que particularmente me gustó y pienso que a lo mejor podría despertar la curiosidad de alguien y abrir algún “debate” (los debates no existen en redes sociales) o generar algún comentario que me dé perspectiva o que me deje algún aprendizaje, y, sin embargo, 9 de cada 10 veces se repite la historia –ninguno de los casi 4000 contactos de todas mis redes sociales (abiertas o cerradas) comenta ni muestra interés ni curiosidad en ese Reel en particular–, me cae de sorpresa, me resulta muy difícil darme cuenta de lo obvio: que ni al 30% de todos esos contactos los he tratado un poco más que superficialmente, que hace años que no veo cara a cara al 80% de todos esos contactos, que el 99% de esos contactos ni siquiera saben dónde vivo ni dónde trabajo, ni qué música escucho, ni qué autores leo ni qué cosas aborrezco ni en qué ocupo mi tiempo libre. Y que ni les interesa, ni tendría por qué interesarles. Qué incómodo sería. Y lo más probable es que si alguno de todos esos contactos y yo nos quedáramos solos en una isla por tiempo indeterminado, no tendríamos gran cosa sobre qué hablar. Nos aburriríamos mutuamente.

Y esto no es todo. Cuando reviso mis redes sociales y veo lo que ellos comparten en sus historias o en sus muros, no “conecto” con casi nada. De todos mis contactos, quienes, aparentemente, están 24/7 en redes sociales porque siempre que reviso mis redes sociales han compartido algo, comparten lo que todo mundo comparte, y se me olvida que las redes sociales son la nueva televisión, que raras veces veo televisión, que no me siento identificado con lo que veo en la televisión, cuando veo televisión porque estoy de visita en casa de alguien que sí ve televisión.

También se me olvida que soy más un bicho raro que un ciudadano promedio (no es presunción: sentirme un bicho raro no es agradable; significa que la mayoría del tiempo me siento excluido y fuera de sitio), y que no creo contenido viral, que no me interesan las tendencias, que generalmente reviso mis redes sociales porque una notificación absurda del teléfono me distrajo mientras estaba ocupado en algo importante, o porque desperté con náuseas, con acidez esofágica y con dolor de espalda y no quiero pensar en nada de eso, o porque he estado trabajando 4 ó 5 horas consecutivas y necesito un break.

Y también se me olvida que casi nunca encuentro nada que realmente me invite a pensar en cosas nuevas en redes sociales. Casi siempre veo el mismo contenido: baby boomers quejándose de sus enemigos políticos, algún GenX jactándose de haber sufrido “una verdadera transformación espiritual” en un campamento Pachamama con enteógenos, millennials compartiendo compulsivamente Reels de gente fabricada en serie y con bata blanca en algún laboratorio u hospital fancy –una extraña combinación de influencer, de standupero y de punk digital–, tirando factos sobre la serotonina, la dopamina y todo el conocimiento más cabrón de las neurociencias mientras exclama «Free Palestine!», en cápsulas de 3 minutos, súper producidas visual y auditivamente, con la ayuda de la IA; o soltando “una pregunta incómoda” porque el mundo no quiere a la selección argentina de futbol –«¿Qué nos enseñó Bad Bunny...?»–, o haciendo aseveraciones cada día más descabelladas –«¡Soy el Doctor Fulano, y te voy a contar cosas bien cabronas porque soy bien cabrón!»–, o exagerando declaraciones que parecen un parteaguas en la historia de la humanidad –«¡China acaba de dar un golpe en la mesa que hizo temblar al mundo académico!»–, pero que no llevan a ninguna parte. 

Agggh.

Pensándolo mejor, el contenido que suele llegar a mis redes sociales es muchísimo peor que las náuseas, que la acidez esofágica y que el dolor de espalda que me acosan casi todas las mañanas. Y, sin embargo, no soy consciente de todas estas particularidades cuando un motivo X, Y o Z me ha arrastrado a las redes sociales. O sea que soy idiota. O ingenuo. No aprendo de mi propia experiencia. En cierta forma, soy como todos los internautas aunque no estoy 24/7 en mis redes sociales. Lo noto cuando una notificación absurda del teléfono me ha arrastrado a las redes sociales y ya estoy enterándome de la vida privada de alguien que no sé quién es ni por qué se volvió una celebridad después de subir un TikTok. 

No sé por qué sigo revisando mis redes sociales. No tengo motivos para seguir haciéndolo.

Por otra parte, a varios de mis conocidos que consideraba inteligentes antes de las redes sociales, ahora los veo de otro modo. Ellos también caen fácilmente en el engaño de las apariencias. Como que necesitan que un creador de contenido con 20 millones de followers “tire factos” sobre temas que ellos mismos han estudiado gran parte de sus vidas. Y, en ese mismo sentido, no me sorprendería que, incluso teniendo una preparación académica especializada, estuvieran esperando a que Ruzzarín (o alguno de sus colegas) les suelte un facto: que las redes sociales no son buenas para el cerebro, que fríen los circuitos dopaminérgicos, que el scroll infinito es similar a todas esas cosas que hacen los adictos cuando las drogas ya no les generan placer; que tu cerebro “en modo” redes sociales probablemente se parece al cerebro de un adicto a la cocaína y al alcohol, que tu neocorteza está dañada por el uso de redes sociales, que tal vez involucione en algunos siglos, que ella también ha aprendido a esperar recompensas inmediatas y se ha vuelto impulsiva e impaciente, que ya no lee, que ya no abstrae información, que ya no crea, que todo lo quiere peladito y en la boca. 

    

Tuesday, September 01, 2026

I got a plan to get us outta here


This song meant nothing to me. The first time I heard it I was in my third semester of university, I was attending an English class thought by a professor from Minnesota –a huge Vikings fan–, whose classes were fantastic, dynamic and fun. Her name was Karen. Once she played this song in class and asked us to translate it into Spanish, or something like that. We only spoke in English in her classes. 

As I listened to the song, I vaguely recalled Tracy Chapman. Perhaps I had heard "Fast car" by chance on the radio at some point of my life, and I knew who Tracy Chapman was, but nothing more. As the song played on, Karen sang along very softly. Dunno why but I got the impression that the song really moved her, that she really felt the song –that she was enjoying it while simultaneously feeling its pain. Never paid too much attention to the lyrics. I always thought it was a song about a car accident.  

I dreamed of you for the first time since we had to say goodbye. In my dream, you were that incredible, strong cat you were before you developed kidney failure. This was the first song Lizzie and I heard in the first Uber after saying goodbye. Since then, the experience has happened each time we are inside an Uber talking about you, or thinking about you. It happens almost once a week –practically on one out of every third Uber rides we take together. That's why I think of you each time I hear this song. 

Yesterday was our weeding anniversary and Lizzie's birthday, and we took an Uber –she was very sad, she misses you every second–, and "Fast Car" played again. We took the song as a sign that you are watching over and thinking of us from heaven. We miss you so much, Jackson, you were an awesome cat. 

Yesterday, while having dinner, a sudden memory came back to me: I saw Yoko and Gattuso walking toward the dining room, and for a moment, I thought you were with them—that you would appear coming down the stairs, just as you used to when you were healthy, moving your muscular legs, one step after another, like a formidable feline. It was such a vivid sensation.

Then I returned to reality, and almost at the same time, I remembered your final minutes with us: first in Lizzie’s arms and then in mine, like a little kitten. You were no longer in pain; you looked so peaceful. And now, as I write these lines, I’ve realized what this song is really about. Like Karen, I feel this song deeply; it truly moves me. We will always miss you, Jackson.

Sunday, May 03, 2026

sear those thoughts of me, alone and unhappy

Supposedly, this song reflects «a desperate, broken state of mind», mixing drug use and co-dependent relationships. I got this info from Reddit and Google AI, they even quote Billy Corgan's interviews from different sources. 

Why I am listening to this song? 

Apart from this question, it sickens me to write in my cellphone: I'm almost unable to write a single word, the style corrector “predicts” what I want to write and it always fails and I always have to re-write what I want to write, cellphones always remind you that you're another human in the world, just like everyone... Anyway, I'm awake from 4:30 AM and I got up from bed and as usual I bled and wrote my glucose levels on a notebook and wrote what I did and thought about my most recent days on earth on another notebook, while I was sort of pissed.

Yesterday I woke up and checked my e-mail, the Editor in chief from Current Behavioral Neuroscience Reports informed me that they accepted for publication this MS I wrote between July and August 2025, that I left aside from September to October 2025 and that I formatted and submitted it to Psychopharmacology on December 2025, the Editor in chief from that journal told me that «they had more job than they could handle» and recommended me to send the MS to Current Behavioral Neuroscience Reports.

Then, between December 24th and 25th, I re-formatted the MS and submitted it to Current Behavioral Neuroscience Reports (I'm ommiting the part of reading the requirements of each Journal —Cover Letter, scopes, references and citations, abstract extension, etc.—, and uploaded all the files to the system of each Journal and, before all of this, I'm ommiting the part of finding an appropriate Journal for the MS); more or less, and after I had to make another style corrections asked by the Editor of the Journal, I received a response from the Journal on January-February 2026, in which they informed me that they had asked 10 reviewers to check the MS...

Then I received an e-mail with the referees comments' on March and the Journal gave me nearly 3 weeks to resubmitted the corrected MS with a point-by-point PDF directed to the referees... Those were unusual weeks —the Yorkshire of my sister in law got very sick and its condition worsened in a few days, after a long week my sister in law decided to say goodbye to her Yorkshire, it was so sad, then my wife got very ill and ended up in ICU, it was awful, my wife was so sick, I never felt so sad and vulnerable...

For the first time in my life, I had to ask for an extension, the Journal gave it to me, and I worked and worked on Fridays and Saturdays and Sundays, I almost went nuts, but re-discovered how much I enjoy this specialized job —intelectually, creatively and emotionally demanding, besides being hard-working—, and resubmitted the MS to Current Behavioral Neuroscience Reports a week ago.

Yesterday, as I wrote, I received an e-mail and the Editor in chief informed me that it was accepted for publication. As I am not officially the Corresponding Author —even though I did all the Corresponding Author job—, I can't proceed with the next steps. And I'm sort of pissed off 'cause these guys I'm eventually working with, don't give a f#$k. I sent them a WhatsApp nearly 24h ago and they haven't given me an answer. And I understand, we are on Sunday, yesterday was Saturday, we are in the middle of holidays. But I'm also aware that one of these guys I'm working with called me, out of nowhere, on a Saturday of July 2025, while I was having breakfast with my wife in a Toks, to remind me «You have to write this MS» (obviously, then I had already started to write this MS) and then, between August and September made another “out of nowhere”-call, to demand my attention on why did I put myself as Corresponding Author and First Author in the MS  This MS is part of a deal these guys I'm working with proposed me on June 2025. They paid me off 3 months, I worked from September to April without receiving incomes. They told me we would speak of businesses when the MS would have been accepted for publication. It was accepted for publication yesterday. And they just haven't answered.

Who understands? What's the point? I wouldn't be so pissed off, if he just hadn't called me up whenever he needed to talk with me. Assuming that I'm always able to talk. Each time I try to call him up he's not able. It seems that I have to make an appointment.

Do you see it? I hate this isn't reciprocal.

Writing and submitting this MS and responding the referees comments' to this MS was a though job; don't get confused: to start from scratch and get accepted for publication in nearly 6 months, it's not usual, it's not standard, it's that I am good at my job.

And I'm so proud of it. This is the third MS I publish in 3 consecutive years. I can write and publish in peer-reviewed journals by myself. I don't need anyone. Sometimes, it would look like no one cares, not even the co-authors. Sometimes, it would look like this isn't relevant. Sometimes, it would look like I didn't do the job: that I just followed orders and that, when I say that I write, I say it 'cause I read a poem on a Mother's Day Festival at elementary school and my mother and my grandmother listened to it and told me «You're a wonderful writer!»