Pull my brain stem out and unplug myself

I just walked out from a dream, it's 6: 30 am, I just cut myself in two, I cleaned up the vomit from the cats, they ate some sort of purgatory herb, 151 mg/dl of glucose, the day seems too cloudy, pretty closer to those yesterdays, when I was naive and had achieved nothing in academia, it's 6: 30 am, I'm listening to Rollins Band, Henry Rollins screams out something that sounds aggressive and painful, but I cannot stop thinking about what I dreamed.

We were together in some sort of auditorium, you were at my left, your sister was at my right, we were about to hear a lecture, maybe a false prophet of science, you were sad and cozy, with your big dark brown eyes, with those enormous Margaret Keane painting eyes, suddenly you started to touch my hand, I felt sort of excited, my mind started to fly away, then you started to touch your sister's hand, it was cozy. The audience was not aware of our existence, we were lost in the second or third row of seats.

In a moment you were touching my chest and then my abdomen and then you were caressing my crotch in a very slow and seductive way, you didn't stop looking at me, and I couldn't believe it, my mind started to fly away, I knew everything was possible between us, sooner or later, I would see you as I had always wanted to see you, since I saw you walking and wearing those tight-fitting leggings, when I was naive and had achieved nothing in academia and you lived for a period with your sister and me, it's 6: 30 am.

You kept caressing me, you did something that made feel about to explode, you kept looking at me, you told me something like: 

«What was that? It seems you really liked what I did! I liked it too...» 

My mind started to fly away, I knew everything was possible between us, sooner or later, I would see you as I had always wanted to see you, since I saw your crazy underwear when you lived for a period with your sister and me, everything was possible, I would see you sooner or later down on your knees, like that dream I had once, when the world was apocalyptic and we stared thru the window how a building collapsed in the early hours of a weekend, we were sort of drunk and we just had fucked it all, we had had a crazy night and had ruined everything for a few wild minutes of pleasure. 

She Leads A Lonely Life

I hadn't friends at all, but I was invited to a birthday party of one of my classmates in highschool. Her name was Greta and she had a twin. They had pretty different personalities. Greta was so square minded and her twin was totally the opposite. 

Once, after an awful painting workshop, I spoke to Greta. She had an older brother which also studied on that high school. His name was Lenin. He was handsome and girls in the classroom were crazy about him. I was curious about his name.

I just wanted to know if Greta's parents were interested on Russian literature and then I told her "You're brother has an unusual name...", and she went nuts. 

Greta yelled at me. She warned me that Lenin would know what I'd just said about his name and that he would beat me up. 

Obviously, I thought she was being dramatic -not to mention that she seemed to me so flighty and temperamental-, but I was also scared. 

I hated Greta. I couldn't believe it. I really wanted to know if her parents were interested in Russian literature. It was pretty disappointing. 

Nevertheless, I was there, as a guest, in the twins' birthday party. 

They lived in a small house in a housing unit.
We were supposedly having fun in a yard that was also a parking lot.

Everybody was listening up Ace Of Base. Some girls were dancing with another girls, while some boys stared at them like zombies. Another guys were playing football. 

I was there 'cause I never had been in a teenage party and I felt curious about it. 

It was more an elementary school party with Frankenstein-like guests (enormous kids with infantile voices and terrible odors, and tiny girls with women bodies), and I was getting bored. 

No one drank or smoked. I guess just no one had tried drugs.   

Suddenly, when I was about to get back home, a weird girl appeared out of nowhere. 
She used a strange device to correct the posture of her feet and because of it she walked slowly. We made eye contact and she smiled. 

She seemed so shy. 
All night long I was thinking about her.

What was that strange device? Did the girl have polio?   

A few days later, I knew that girl's name. 
Karen was Greta's cousin. 
What a surprise. 

When I was in the last year of highschool, Karen just came in. 
I don't remember how exactly she became my first girlfriend. 
I don't even remember trying to seduce her. 
I don't even remember if I approached to her and then if I told her my name. 

Someday we were just hanging out in the middle of spring, in the schoolyard.
Her eyes were so big and sweet. They looked like the eyes of Margaret Keane's paintings. 
She walked in a very weird way. It looked like if she had crooked legs. 
She played football. Greta told me that Karen even had a football player boyfriend. 
She wrote me letters. She was a baby girl and she didn't care about ortography. 
She was very flirty and got me into a lot of trouble, but she was my first girlfriend.

All That She Wants