The Girl Was Never There, It's Always The Same

I had a girlfriend who loved to smoke pot and to do some other drugs. From the beginning, I always thought she was a snob. She talked about meaningless issues of her life, as if they were the most relevant thing in the world. She never heard me at all. 

Besides, she dressed all in fancy brand clothes and her language had an elitist affectation, so no one believed she was a junkie. I hated it, 'cause I was the opposite to her -I wore awful and old clothes, and never spoke of my life to anyone- and people immediately thought I was the junkie, including her parents. I didn't do drugs, I was just a poor shy boy. 

We had been together for a month or so. She was some sort of knucklehead. We kissed for the first time in a cemetery, in front of people who visited the tombs or their loved ones. It was a sunny day and I couldn't stop thinking in their grief and suffering, while our lips remained glued. I kept my eyes open. One tiny little girl stared at me with a grim look and an older woman put a hand on one of her shoulders and took her away. As they walked, the older woman shook her head and started to mourn. I felt guilty. Thought maybe the girl just had lost her dad and that they were visiting his tomb. 


We kissed for the second time in a retirement home, in front of older people. We were there in some sort of an extra class, with other class mates. Our teacher asked us to watch older people for understanding some stupid psychological topic. It was too damned boring. Elderlies were so excited, and I felt suffocated. They couldn't stop talking about their own lives, nor couldn't stop complaining about the way their families just abandoned them in that place. So, we went to a lonely room, and started to kissing. 

Besides my old and awful clothing, I used to have long hair -I had 20 years and didn't care about my bad looking-, and, unfortunately, an older lady saw us -and saw me from my back- and she thought we were lesbians and she started to scream like crazy. We had to run away from the retirement home. At one time, elderlies were screaming, so offended, and looking for us. Two women were kissing at the retirement home!

The third time we kissed, we were camping in a forest. My girlfriend started to put the tent in a place she considered to be nice, and asked me to buy some water bottles. I walked to the nearest village. In a few minutes I got there and bought four or five water bottles. I hadn't experience at all in that kind of journey, so I got lost when I tried to return to the tent. Walked for hours. It got dark and scary, and I couldn't find the place. It started to rain and I decided to walk to the village, again. I asked someone else's help and finally found the place where the tent was. 

My crazy girlfriend yelled at me. She was so mad. Asked me if I was stupid or what. Asked me if I wasn't aware of the risks of leaving her alone in the middle of a forest. Asked me many things. Of course I was worried about her, all the time. I had really tried like crazy to find her out. 

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In her rage, she never thought I was about to die. At one time, while I was lost and desperate, just about giving up, I drank the last water bottle I had bought in the village, and I started to run like crazy going nowhere. Suddenly, I tripped on a rock and rolled on a free fall along a hill and, somehow, managed to grab a tree a few meters from a cliff.

When she was a little bit quiet, she started to smoke. Didn't invited me, but I just took the pot away from her. It was the first time I smoke pot. It was raining, again. Got so high and I closed my eyes and started to dream about what would it be to get lost in the middle of a forest, or to die in an attempt to find out the tent where my girlfriend was.  

A Forest

Whatever It Is, That Girl Put A Spell On Me

We had flown from Ciudad de México to Tijuana and then walked to the border and took a train. It was almost ten o'clock, but it was sunny. It was so confusing. After we checked in at a Double Tree, we ate fish and chips at Old Town. We took a taxi to the San Diego Convention Center, to know how far was our hotel from it. We were just three PhD students, at the 40th Annual Meeting of the Society for Neurosciences. The meeting would start the next day. 

As we returned to the Double Tree, another lab partner, an undergraduate student, appeared out of nowhere. He was about to have a party at the hotel were he and some friends of him stayed. I wasn't sure to follow him, but the other two PhD students showed interest. I had to follow them. I didn't want to walk alone and to expose myself to be harassed by hobos.  

It was already dark. The hotel had a small pool and all the rooms were around it. It reminded me of the hotel were Earl, of My Name Is Earl, lived. Vicente guided us to the room. It was bigger than my room at the Double Tree, and it was full of undergraduate students. I recognized some of them from a psychology course I taught. Some of them recognized me, too. In particular, a girl named Minerva. I kinda had a crush on her. I think she knew it. It was silly, she was almost ten years younger than me. I wasn't about to flirt on her nor anything else.

Most of the undergraduate students were drunk, and Vicente told me that he was about to smoke Spice with Minerva. 

He asked me if I wanted to try. I did it. 

While the drug had an effect, Minerva told me how she and her friends had arrived to San Diego. Apparently, they just had travelled with half the money I had. It was amazing, they just had walked for hours. As she spoke, the drug made me feel so vulnerable and stupid. It was a potent drug, and I was getting paranoid. In the lab, we studied cannabinoids. At home, I used to smoke pot almost on a daily basis. I kinda knew that Spice' effects were heavier than pot and, to some extent, dangerous. 

All I wanted to do was to get to my room and take a nap, but Minerva looked really beautiful. I couldn't stop watching her. She continued speaking and I focused on her fleshy lips. Suddenly, her boyfriend appeared and took her away. I just felt ill and paranoid. He was a moron, and I think he was jealous. I would never have finished kissing his girlfriend. 

I walked to the Double Tree, sad and high. Fortunately, I wasn't harassed by any hobo.

In the room, I layed down in the bed and started to listening up Purple Haze. I couldn't stop imagine Minerva and her fleshy lips. I thought Jimi wrote that song inspired by a girl like she. At some point, I fall sleep.

For the next 24 hours, I felt stoned. As I walked thru the alleys of the San Diego Convention Center, I felt high. I couldn't focus on anything. I was only attracted to women, in a very sexual way. I desired Minerva like crazy and I looked for her all day long, but never saw her again. 

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I can't remember anything else. 

Purple Haze

The End Could Be Soon, We'd Better Get A Room

I was a horny student at Medicine School. I have traveled a long distance across the city and I was tired, but somehow I was sufficiently excited to attend an anatomy class. 

It was a dark schoolyard and I was wearing a lab coat. I hated my look, it made me feel stupid and arrogant. There were another guys like me and we were all together waiting for instructions to go to the morgue. Then you appeared. I suppose you were an assistant professor and that you were about to give us some instructions. 

I had never dreamed of you. 

A long time ago, for a short period, I kinda desired you. I loved your scent, your big brown eyes, your long black hair, your fleshy lips and your huge teeth. Of course, I never told you. It was a pure sexual desire, and I really didn't want to explore if it was possible to get closer to you. I didn't want to meet you. 

I blamed my interest on you to one single moment. It was the middle of summer and we were alone, working in the lab. Just you and me. It supposed to be summer holidays. I had to perform ten to twelve surgeries. I hated that specific kind of surgery because I needed to implant a couple of stainless steel guide cannulae and a set of electrodes for polysomnographic recordings to each animal. It was an exhausting surgery because the set of electrodes consisted of two stainless steel screw electrodes placed in the frontal bones, a bipolar Teflon electrode placed in the hippocampus and two additional electrodes placed into the rats' neck muscles.  

You were right in front of me, manufacturing a different type of electrodes. 

It was very hot in the surgery room. I was sweating like crazy, and all I wanted to do was to run away from the lab and to plunge into a pool. Then you bent down to pick something up off the floor and I saw your underwear. I didn't want to do it. It was an accident. It was exciting and I felt sorry and guilty, but couldn't stop watching. It was a very sexy underwear and it fit you very well, and it drove me wild, and I thought of it for weeks. 

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In my dream, you were dressed in a lab coat, too. Then you smiled to me, as you used to do it back in time, showing me up your huge teeth. You told me "I know what you did that summer" and I woke up and now I feel sorry and guilty and I can't stop thinking of your underwear. 

Why did you appear in my dream?

Wedding Dress