Mama's Little Pills Spilled All Over The Floor

It was about to dawn.

We were inside of a dark small apartment, standing in front of a window.

We were in silence, watching the city.

Our shadows reflected in the glass of the window in a dismal way.

Our reflection reminded me of the most popular scene of Fight Club, except that we would not see how a bomb would make an enormous building fall to pieces. 

The sky looked like a giant mouth about to yawn. 

The clouds looked like an army of violent waves about to invade a warm ocean. 

The walls in the apartment were all painted in red and they reminded me of the excess of wine in my body. 

She just wore underwear and a T-shirt. 

She stared at me.

Her eyes were sad and tired.

She looked younger than I thought she was. 

Her long black hair shone in the form of an ambiguous cascade.

Somehow, it made me to experience a group of brief vertiginous images.

These images appeared in intervals in my fuzzy brain.

Soon they adopted the form of a headache.

Her long black hair also reminded me of her shadowy naked body. 

For a moment, I almost smelled the secret perfume of her skin. 

It gave me the chills. 

I was so angst and confused. 

I felt so dumb. 

What we had done?

http://www.ifccenter.com/films/fight-club/

She came close to me and made me hug her from behind.

As we still watched the city, I felt her skinny body.

It was like an open vibrating sore. 

Her body was so tiny and soft that it reminded me of a porcelain doll. 

I felt pity of her. 

I barely could stand beside her. 

I was dizzy and about to fall asleep. 

Also, I wanted to throw up.  

She was so stoned, too.

I looked down and saw a lot of pills on the floor. 

Somehow, I knew those pills were antidepressants.

She was on treatment 'cause she had tried to commit suicide in the last year. That's why we had started to get closer.  

We had started by watching movies each Friday. 

I just wanted to be supportive. 

One thing had led to another. 

Nonetheless, the pills spilled all over the floor made me think that maybe she was addicted to meth, too.

It also gave me the chills. 

What if I had just tried meth for the first time?

I was so drunk, tired and sleepy. 

The apartment was so quiet and warm, but my mind was a fierce storm.

I felt abussive and I wanted to kill myself, but I had the feeling that she was too vulnerable and that it was not an appropriate moment.

I was terribly ill and tied to her suffering. 

I just woke up. Still feel so guilty. 

At times, dreams are so revealing and scary. 

Sweet Young Thing Ain't Sweet No More

Echoes Screaming Through My Empty Soul

It was some sort of enormous mall. 
We were having a seminar in an improvised living room who apparently was part of a furniture store.
People with bags, shopping like crazy, walked around us, as one of my colleagues spoke. 
He was angry 'cause one of his pupils hadn't done what he had asked her for.  

Ivy smiled. 
She was so relaxed. 
Despite the fact that she had disappeared for several months -my colleague was her advisor- and that she had no data to show nor thesis advances', it didn't look she was worried at all. 

An idea crossed my mind. 
I wanted to test a hypothesis and I thought it would be convenient to put her to perform some of my experiments. 
I thought we could employ a model of morbid obesity in which I'm working on and a protocol to measure sexual receptivity in females. 
My colleague seemed to be an expert on this topic.  

I told to Ivy so and she agreed, but my colleague rejected my idea.  
He thought the experiment would be meaningless. 
He also thought Ivy would disappear for several months, again.
It looked like I was on Ivy's side. 

Ivy and I walked away, like if we were closer friends and like if we were used to guess the movements of the other. 

People were still shopping frantically. 

We crossed the entire mall in complete silence.

It seemed that we were more than closer friends 'cause we were able to keep our mouths shut for longer periods of time. 

Suddenly we were inside of a Van.
We were sitting next to each other. 
I was on the side of a window. 
The sun rays reflected on my face and blinded me, temporarily. 
I felt dizzy and dumb. 

As I was regaining my sight, Ivy started to sigh.
Obviously, she was doing so 'cause she wanted me to look at her. 

She was so close to me. 
She looked so in love with me. 
She looked so fragile and sexy. 

Out of nowhere, she asked me if I felt the same way she felt about me. 
I was so surprised and I kept my mouth shut.

We had a relationship?
We had a long time having this kind of moments? 

Though it was an awkward moment, I felt relieved. 

It was some sort of electricity in the air. 
I think I could even smell the scent of Ivy's skin. 
Sun rays became a plus and turned out the environment to a romantic scene. 

I watched Ivy's face and hair, and accepted that she was beautiful.  

She put her head down on my knees and I automatically started to caressing her hair. 

In a pretty tough way to explain it, I could see her naked breast.

She wore a white Bikini Kill shirt, one with the cover of The Singles album released on 1998. Immediately it reminded me of Toby Vail. 

As Ivy looked at me and tried to make contact with one of my hands, the electricity in the air became extremely volatile. 

She asked me again if I felt the same way she felt about me.

I briefly thought of her breast and then I saw one of her nipples. 

Her breast was so big and her nipple was so erect that somehow it reminded me of the texture and taste of some desserts that she prepared and sold when I really met her. 

Finally, I thought that I would have a lot of fun if I accepted that I found her pretty attractive and if I made her believe that I felt the same way she felt about me. 

I woke up starved. 

I wanted so bad to have a dessert. 

Echoes Screaming Through My Empty Soul

The Deafening Sound Of A Heartbeat

I had a bad night. 
I felt pretty cozy and suffocated when I woke up from a fuzzy dream. 

A few years ago, one of my colleagues introduced me to this researcher I dreamed of.

It was my second year as postdoc, when he did it.
Maybe we went to her lab to ask her for some kind of technical help. 

Even though senior researchers mainly look at postdocs as a workforce, or consider us some sort of shy and low self esteem human beings, she was very polite with me.

Of way contrary to most older researchers who ignore us when we're not with another senior researcher, she was educated with me even if I was alone, anywhere, at anytime. 
  

Since then, she has always been polite with me. 

The first time I saw her, I found her pretty feminine. 
She wore a multicolor blouse and jeans. 
She spoke to us with a pretty soft voice. Her black curly hair spread on the air. 
It made me think that she cared about her appearance, but in a pretty delicate way.   

In my dream, we were in a middle of a class.

Suddenly, she said she needed to talk to me in private. 
It surprised me. She looked sort of angst. 

Then, we walked out of the classroom and sit at some sort of wooden chairs painted in pink.
We were pretty closer. So close that I was able to look at the freckles on her face. 
Her eyes were so brown and her eyelashes were so long. 
I felt intimidated by her beauty.  

Suddenly, to broke with the enchantment, I looked at her legs.
They were so white.
One leg was without hair removal and the other was depilated. 
The depilated leg was naked. 

I couldn't avoid it. I had a sexual thought, but I chased it away.
Dunno why, but I felt so guilty. 

She spoke to me.
She said something I cannot remember. 
Maybe it was something about a comment I posted on her Facebook that she didn't like. 

Then she stood up and walked away. 

As she walked, I could see that the white skirt she wore was opened at the back, so I could see her underwear. 

Again, I felt guilty and looked away. 
Then I woke up, feeling febrile.

The Deafening Sound Of A Heartbeat