Starla Dear, I'm All Alone

They were already drunk. Their eyes looked like rat eyes: red, scary and dangerous. Their bodies looked like if they were vaporizing like nightmare fog. 

So I tried to convince my brother that I really was there for taking care of him, but I just wanted to see Starla, a beautiful friend of him. She was almost eight years younger than me, but she looked older. 

People talked about drugs and music. I found out Starla and walked to get close to her. Immediately, I started to hear my heart beating like a wild animal. I had met her at another party where we ended up kissing, and I guess I wanted to kiss her again.  

She was in the middle of a conversation and ignored me. I felt dumb and I tried to get involved in the conversation. Among those silly pretentious teenagers, she finally spoke to me and told me to take her out. I told her that I had just arrived to the party and she said "At least, take me to a more private place".

Then, we started to talk and continued drinking. 

I fall asleep and drunk somewhere in time and woke up feeling stupid in someone's bedroom. The bedroom seemed to belong to a woman 'cause it was painted in pink and the walls were full of photographs of Brad Pitt, Lorenzo Lamas and Jason Priestley. 

The bedroom also smelled like bubblegum, and I was starved and exhausted. Vaguely, I remembered someone was taking care of me as I wanted to threw up. I kinda wanted to think that my brother or my friend, had taken care of me. It would have been so embarrassing, if Starla had been the one who took care of me. 

Stopped thinking of it.

Starla walked in and sat in the bed. She looked at me, and she told me that we were about to have sex when I fall asleep. I remembered she was a little bit liar. She smiled and got closer to me and kissed my cheeks. Her scent reminded me of some things. While I was about to fell asleep, she started to touch my hair, my face and my hands. I fought to keep myself awake, as I thought of her eyes as made of honey dripping into my skin and as I thought of her hair dangling like a heavy medal trying to hypnotize me. 

Then she told me "It was the best thing that could have ever happened to me..."

I didn't understand why, but I realized everything when my brother told me later that he had a crush on Starla.

Starla

Let The Sun Beat Through The Clouds

It seemed to be another day, a simple Tuesday.

From the bed, I watched the clock located at the corner of the bedroom.

It was almost 11 o'clock. 

I had been the entire day feeling ill.

I was so sick for being in bed. 

I was tired and I had abdominal pain.

I was starved, but I couldn't eat.

(I felt so sick that I couldn't even eat an apple nor drink a glass of milk.) 

I felt I was electrified, hanging on a cross made of fire. 

I just wanted to sleep, but the pain was so destructive. 

All my nerves were too aware.

All my thoughts burned my mind.

I was febrile and I started to hallucinate.

I wasn't able to catch a single piece of a dream.

Suddenly, my ears bled with this song of R. E. M.

(I love you madly, just keep watch). 

As I was finally falling asleep, the telephone roared in the bedroom.

I woke up, abruptly. 

The bedroom became a time bomb and my heart was about to explode.

The bed was like a land mine and my body was gunpowder.

(I love you madly, just keep watch).

While the telephone roared, I felt some kind of energy irradiating my soul. 

Suddenly, I thought 

"It's not impossible to have a crush on the telephone..."

"Who's this?", I asked.

And then...

It was YOU.

YOU.

My lovely young idiot baby

(she used to say "Don't you call me adorable, 'cuz I feel that I am Thelma and that you're Garfield!") 

YOU.

YOU.

YOU.

My most terrible passion

(the very first time we kissed, she said "I'm a pretty good slut!")

YOU. 

YOU. 

YOU.

YOU.

YOU.

YOU.

I won't write your name.

(You don't even deserve so)

YOU appeared on the telephone.

Like old times. 

Your soft voice.

Like vanilla ice cream in the middle of the summer.

(I love you madly, just keep watch).

Your infantile voice. 

Like Tinker Bell scratching at the bottom of my heart. 

Your evil way of thinking.

Like a silly speech of an evil politician.

Your bitter way of thinking of me. 

Like a broken TV spitting suicidal messages to the audience.

Your awful way to be.

Like a frozen woman healing thru the cruelty.

(I love you madly, just keep watch).

YOU turned my memories into ashes.

Like that book of Petros Márkaris I gave to you.  

Like that live show of Kurt Cobain you gave to me. 

Like that old song I only play on guitar on sunny days.

Like that old blog I only post on every other day.

You started to tell me things about your boyfriend.

When you suffocated me, I started to ask you for one last chance.

"Well, I'll call you soon...", you sentenced and then hunged up the phone. 

YOU

Well You Know I Nearly Broke Down And Cried

She was younger than me, and I met her in a garage punk concert. I was having a smoke when she appeared out of nowhere and asked me for a cigarette lighter. Her scent drove me wild. Her eyes gleamed like a crazy star in the darkness of El Foro Alicia. 

We started to talk a few minutes later, when I wanted to have another smoke and I was convinced that she had lost my cigarette lighter. She denied it, and I focused on her lips. They looked so fleshy. A silly question crossed my mind: What if I kiss her?

I told her that I found her pretty, and that she smelled like a strange plant. She asked what kind of plant, and I just said something like a water lily. She smiled. At the time, I was a little bit drunk. Do not know why, but I imagined that we could end up kissing. 

Silencios Incómodos were about to perform that night, and I told her that I knew their new album. They were releasing it that night and they will perform it that night. I really knew it, since my brother was friend of the guys of the band, but she thought I just wanted to impress her. She told me her favorite band was Black Sabbath, and started to whisper Iron Man in my ear.

We kissed as the band played Detrás De La Tormenta, my favorite song of the album. Her lips were soft and I thought she had and expertise in kissing. Maybe I was too drunk. 

Suddenly, her dad called her on the cell phone. He was waiting for her to take her home. She said "Good Bye" and gave me her cell phone number, in case I wanted to call her someday.  Never thought I would, but I did it a few days later. 

We went out several times. Each time I liked her more and more, but I also felt more and more guilty. It was really stupid, but I hated it to be older than her. She said she didn't care. Eventually, she got tired. 

I'm listening Abbey Road, even though I don't like The Beatles at all, and I can't stop thinking of her. I miss her a lot.