Love Myself Better Than You

A month ago, I was sick. Thursday morning, I had an interview outside the city. I woke up early that day. I was nervous, but fine. Basically, I had to speak about my own research to some peers. Every time I have to do something like this, I feel anxious and kind of stressed. The interview happened as I expected, I felt smart enough, but immediately, as I took the car to return to the city, I started to sneeze, as If I just got the flu. My eyes watered all the time. I could not breathe at all. I had a headache, and I was, from one minute to another, surprisingly weak. I had a meeting in the evening -a celebration for the year that it is about to finish-, and I really wanted to go, but at that point I felt so sick that all I was able to do, was to rest in bed.

I had a terrible night. My nose was full of snot all the time, and I started to have sore throat. All night long I was feeling bad, and I could not sleep at all. I did not want to be as sick as I was a month ago. At the beginning, I thought it was a sort of allergie, but after that terrible night, I was convinced I was about to become ill, again.

The physician told me that maybe it was an allergie, but also that it might be possible that my immune system is a disaster. As I leave the city a morning before, I was close to a nurse, and all the week I was close to a guy who got the flu. Damm it. It is possible that I was stressed enough to ignore the illness, but as I stopped being stressed the illness came out. 

I have spent the last three days in bed, and now I feel better but weak. I still cannot breathe completely well. I cough terribly once in a while. I have experiments to do, and I am afraid to get worse if I leave my house and expose myself to pollution. The last time I was sick, I was in bed for almost two weeks. 

via GIPHY

I really hate most people. Most of them are irresponsible, when they cough and sneeze freely without any precaution. They do not seem to give a fuck if they infect someone else. On the other hand, it is amazing that viruses run freely in the wind. They are invisible, but could be letal. People fears of God, but they should be afraid of Nature. 

I am so fragile -my health is so fragile- that I cannot stop thinking why does it seem too damn difficult to wear a scarfe or anything else to cover up your mouth when you are fucking sick.

On A Plain (Unplugged)

On A Plain (Nevermind)

I See You Shaking In The Light, Reading The Headline News

On December 4th, it was 6 months after my surgery. It has been a very low recovery. I've been nauseating and weak most of the time. Sometimes, I'm just tired of eating the same food everyday and avoiding anything else I like.

Physicians have told me to be patient. And warned me to not drink alcohol -or to do any other drug- in excess, ever again. Supposedly, I also have a weird heart condition and I can't smoke anymore. It's easy for them, to ask me things like that. But I cannot even drink a cup of coffee, neither eat a cheesecake nor bacon, without becoming ill.

I don't believe in God, so praying is not an option to ignore my  disease. I still don't have kids, so becoming a daddy it's not an option for getting better. I just like things that put me sad, like literature and music. I used to enjoy to be alone, but now it's sort of a hell. I try to do all the things I like, and that I'm able to do, as much as possible, but sometimes it is frustrating to feel nauseating in the middle of a reading or while I am listening music.

I love to hear live music. Sometimes I still feel ill in the middle of a show, too. And it sucks. Sometimes, when I write, I'm so sick that I cannot stop writing about anything but illnesses. When I read, I try to not focus on melancholy. But it's impossible.

Anyway, on Sunday 4th, I went to a show. Lee Ranaldo was about to play with another musicians in Mexico City. They formed a band to play live music for Georges Méliès' short films. Sonic Youth is one of my favorite bands, so I couldn't miss the opportunity to hear Lee Ranaldo's live music, again.

Before the show, in the mezzanine of the Auditorio Blackberry, I bought Acoustic Dust and The Rising Tide and when I did it, a guy told me that Lee would signed up some albums shortly after the show. I didn't think of it a lot, but as I was just right in front of Lee when he played, I was determined to make him to signed up one of the albums I bought.

When the show finished, I was so nervous. Lee is one of my favorite musicians, and I couldn't believe it would be possible to get close to him in order to get his autograph. I really love his music and his lyrics, and I can't say anymore.

In a few minutes, the mezzanine was full of guys looking for a photo with Lee and I thought that I couldn't even get closer to him. It was a little bit chaotic, and I had to get rid of some guys.

I realized Lee was asking their names to the fans, so I got even more nervous. When I arrived close to him, I was shaking. So, to avoid a confusion, I told him "I'm Marcel, like Proust..." and he smiled and told me "Like Duchamp, too"

My wife took the photographs, and Lee was a very nice guy. I still can't believe it.

Wish Fulfillment

And You Wanted To Dance, So I Asked You To Dance

It was a cold sunday evening, when I attended for the first time to an Eagles Of Death Metal show. Someone gave me a couple of free tickets for the festival in which they would play that evening. It happened in Mexico City, in a festival called Corona Capital.

When I heard the studio albums of the band, long before the show, I did not like them at all. I knew Josh Home was somewhat involved in the band, so I thought this band was similar to Queens Of The Stone Age. When I realized they were a funny band, I felt disappointed.

Then, at a show in Paris, they became sadly famous because they were playing when some crazy killers started to shot innocent people. I did not understand why this funny band was in the middle of such a tragedy, but I listened to their albums again.

It was almost 7: 00 pm, when Jesse Hughes and the rest of the band came up to the stage. Ironically, I was really close to the stage. I never do that, even when one of my favorite bands plays. People was enthusiastic and intrigued because of the involvement of Eagles Of Death Metal in the terrorists attacks in France almost a year ago.  Shortly after the band appeared, a popular mexican mariachi song sounded and people started to sing it along and they became crazy.

Before a brief introductory speech, Jesse Hughes and the band started with I Only Want You, and they sounded terrific and powerful, like I never expected. They were a better band than I thought. Obviously, I felt so bigoted and dumb.

The show continued with the same intensity. The frontman was so dynamic, danced here and there, and talked to the audience all the time. At some point, he put on a jacket allusive to David Bowie. Then, the band made a cover of Moonage Daydream and people got wild. Later on, they played Duran Duran's Save A Prayer, and I fall in love with the band. Since then, I cannot stop listening this version. It's really a great cover. 

My point of view changed completelely. From now on, I will not judge a band from a studio album but from its live music.

I Only Want You

Save A Prayer