Tuesday, August 28, 2012

We Love In Vain, Narcissistic And So Shallow




I hate some egocentric people. Some of them behave as if they were closer to be a God than to be a human. The worst part is that they think you should please them all the time.  

I met once a guy of this kind, in a literature workshop. We were involved in an underground magazine, and we all wanted to publish our writings on it. We were talking about deadlines to send our work to the editor of the magazine, so he could manage the writings in order to publish, monthly, as much as possible of our work. We were almost 20 young writers. Some of us wrote tales, poems or literature essays. We were as enthusiastic as a young writer can be. Another part of the writers, were horribly narcissistic, like this teenager. None of us would receive any penny for the writings, it was all about fun, but he immediately asked for money, because he considered that his poems were at the level of Rimbauds'. 




He also complained about the deadlines, because he considered himself an authentic artist, and so he was not able to work under pressure. He said that his inspiration was so fragile and so fickle. I just found him boring, arrogant and stupid. He couldn't even distinguish Ezra Pound from Edgar Allan Poe.

I just hate this kind of guys. Sadly, many musicians I know behave like that, too. I have this terrible idea of playing in a garage punk band. I have looked for drummers and bass players, because I play guitar and I just like power trios, even though I want to have a band like Sonic Youth. 

At the beginning, when I find out some guys to play with, they tend to be enthusiastic. Nevertheless, gradually they simply expect me to forget them, or to pay them to play with me. They skip rehearsals and never answer my messages nor my calls. They make me feel like an amnesiac old dude or a retarded booze addict. Obviously, it's not their duty to like my songs, but  I'd really appreciate if they told me that they don't want to be part of my band.


via GIPHY

Normally, I try to avoid this kind of guys, but, sooner or later, I have to tolerate them. Like this egocentric PhD student I'm going to write about. It was my first time in the biggest annual meeting for Neurosciences, and I had to share a room with him. As soon as we arrived to Chicago, we looked for the Hilton that was assigned to us. We walked  late at night thru the cold alleys and streets around Michigan Avenue. Suddenly, several homeless stopped me and asked me for money. Even though he had been before in situations like that, and so he knew how to deal with homeless, he didn't warn me about them. I was so scared. Thought homeless were about to assault me, or to shot me, or to slash me, for nothing. 

When I looked for him, he just had disappeared. I had to walk faster, running away from the homeless, and finally, scared to hell and exhausted, I found him at the Hilton. He was in the lobby, in complete iddleness, playing with his smartphone. With some sort of a sarcastic tune, he said: "Homeless are so annoying!"


In the room, he choose the best for him. He occupied the bathroom for hours and put his bags and things all over the room. I just could put my stuff in the small bed that he generously gave me. I had nausea, and I was starving, so I didn't want to discuss about his behavior. The worst of all, was that even though he said that he had quit smoking, he started to ask me for cigarettes. When the cigarettes went out, he said to me: "We have to make an effort to not smoke a lot and to save some money to buy another pack of cigarettes". What a jerk off!



At the annual meeting, he just wanted to seduce women. Of course, he failed all the time. He was not interested in science at all, he just wanted to look like a neuroscientist. 

Now, he has a better job than he deserves, and a better health than me. I quit smoking 18 months ago, and he just keeps stealing cigarettes from anyone. Hope he is not playing in a garage punk band nor that he is finished a novel before I do.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Here Comes Sickness



A week ago I was almost recovering from pharyngotonsillitis. Tuesday and Wednesday, I was OK. Thursday and Friday, I felt nauseating to the point I had to stayed home on Friday. On Saturday I went to a second check up, and the physician told me that nausea was originated from the antibiotic intake in combination with gastroesophageal reflux, and gave me some other drugs to control it. 
Saturday afternoon I was exposed to cold for a few minutes, and started to feel sick again by night. Sunday morning, I kinda got the flu. Monday I was unable to work again, and now I feel terrible. I have a sore throat and I'm sneezing a lot. At this time, I feel sick of being myself. 
I wish I could avoid reality, thru dreaming, but I can't breathe normally. I envy your health.
For now, I think life is staring at palatable food, but unable to smell it nor eating, under a fasting condition. Life is also having hallucinatory-like dreams, under an insomniac-like state. 

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Oh, You Know That I'd Do Anything For You





My grandfather had a birthday party when my brother told me he knew someone who could give us a cat. His friend had an older cat with kittens, and she couldn't take care of all of them. We just had had a French Puddle, and it really hadn't been a good experience, so I had no idea if having a cat would be different. Nevertheless, I was sort of enthusiastic 'cause I had seen alot of kittens and I thought they were interesting and mysterious. I felt attracted to cats, 'cause they always seemed involved in honest playfulness or boredom. Certainly, cats were not like a noisy, smelly and dependant dog. 


Once I was kind of convinced by my brother, we started to talk to our parents. When they were kids, they were more the kind of kids with dogs, so I thought it would be difficult to convince them of having a cat. Besides, we didn't take a good care of that French Puddle we had. 

Surprisingly, my father was enthusiastic, too. He told us that, among several dogs, he had had a little cat when he was a kid, and he immediately asked us "How are you gonna' call it? Is it a male or a female?" My mother wasn't sure at all. "You're not going to take care of that cat. You didn't do it when you had a dog", said. After all, she was right. We didn't care, or even got sad, when one of her friends took away Cookie from us.

After a long discussion, we decided to call it "Socrates", and I don't remember exactly why. I think I wanted to name it "Kerouac" or "Hitchcock", or something like that, but my brothers just thought those names were so pretentious.



Socrates was an amazing cat. He looked like a tiger and he was so intrepid. In a few hours, he learned how to climb up the stairs. He was really too connected to me. Early in the morning, he just scratched the door of my bedroom to wake me up and asked me to feed him. Standard food was available for him all the time, but I just gave him palatable food every morning. 

I opened the door and he started to purr and allowed me to touch him. He used to sleep in my bedroom all day long, and I remember being writing or reading a thousand times, while Socrates just stared at me with his sleepy gray-yellow-blue eyes. Somehow, he seemed to know how much I loved my books, 'cause, even when he scratched or bit everything, he didn't touch them. 


Socrates grew up too fast, and started to run away from home. He learned how to run away after three or four months since he arrived home, and I thought it was the most natural thing to happen. He used to dissapear for days and then to returned thin, starved and dirty. He ate desperately and slept for hours. 

At the age of six months or so, we decided to neuter him. It was thruly sad. He changed alot. It was like if he were angst and couldn't understand why in the hell we had done to him so. 

When he recovered from surgery, he became more rebel and intolerant than he ever was, and he started to run away from home more frequently than before. One night, Socrates went away and never returned. For months, I couldn't stop thinking how would it be for him, if he could survive. I didn't want to believe that it might be possible that he was already death. It was awful. I felt terrible. 

via GIPHY

After almost ten years, I still miss him. He was my best first friend. 

A dog-lover would say it was karma, for not taking care of that French Puddle. 

WHAT else do they know?