Innocence Creates My Hell

 

It must have be a Saturday afternoon when I bought my first copy of Facelift. It must have be August, 2001. As I remember it and as I write these lines, I still can't believe Layne Staley would be dead eight months later. I still can't believe his parents would find his corpse half decomposed from an overdose, at his apartment, eight months later. Still can't believe his death would tragically coincide with the eight anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death. 

Anyway, even if I knew these data, I wouldn't mind. I kinda disliked Alice In Chains 'cause they were the favorite band of Suzy's ex. She was my girlfriend but we had a murky relationship. She always spoke of him. She always kept him informed about our relationship and so he appeared each time we had a fight, like if he were a gentleman and a mature guy.

Though he was almost thirty years old and we were in our early twenties, he behaved like a silly teenager. He was a hypocrite, a coward and a blackmailer. Short after Suzy and myself started to hang out, he blackmailed her. He told her that he would commit suicide, if she didn't become his girlfriend again. He told her that he and his friends were going to kidnap me and to torture me to make me feel the pain he was suffering. He was such an idiot. Suzy broke with him several times before we started to hang out 'cause he was a moron. I had nothing to do with it. I didn't help him out to be a moron. He was an expert in being a moron. 

Anyway, as I believed I was so ugly and so stupid to call the attention of another woman and as Suzy was so afraid of loneliness, we had this murky sickening relationship. We believed we were adults, but we behaved like teenagers. We hated each other but we we're so co-dependent that we could barely be apart. We were working on the experiments of our bachelor's degree thesis', so we had to see each other from Monday to Friday.   

Earlier on that day, we went to a mall and I bought Facelift and Broken at the record store. for a reason I don't remember, she slept that night at my parent's house. All I wanted to do was to listen to this album, but she had another plans. 

As soon as we got to my parent's house, we must climbed up the stairs and we must went to my bedroom. We must smoked a cigarette on the balcony and then we must lied on the bed and then we must spoke about silly things. 

She must have told me that she had to make a confession.