Zeitgedächtnis

I always dream of this and I'm overbored  The dream has a strange force It pushes me to miss someone   And I shouldn't allow her to become part of my life 'Cause she has forgotten me  The days elapse slowly and the hours make me feel like if a rusty knife were cutting somewhere inside my brain    Women sometimes are really dangerous and aware of the damage they provoke us Specially when you care about one 'Cause it's funny to realize that those women you don't care about Wait for you and call you and do everything for you   Even for one single second!!!  That kind of things that stop you in the street while you're walking through awful faces and then you sigh    So deep and sad   And you ask yourself: 'Why couldn't we be together?' 'She's the only one I really want' And then the girl just fades out like a beautiful dream you woke up from this morning 

And well this repetitive dream consists of the same scene: At her home  There is a big wooden table  There are 6 or 7 guys around you  Everyone has taken a seat  No one looks at you  It seems you are invicible  And the sensation it's great  Then she seats close to you  Looks at you with a big smile and with some kind of happiness inside her eyes  Then she asks you: 'Would you like to come another day, honey?' And the fact it's that you feel completely happy  So numb at the same time But later  YOU wake up and the dream not only hasn´t vanished at all, but has burned into your brain, like a long-lasting reflex

Nevermind (What Was It Anyway)?

Sometimes I do think -and feel- that I do have a fantastic life And I would say, well, yes, it's just too fantastic that I am able to write about it  Even when writing it's really sacred to me And even when I use this blog to spit some words in a non-seriously way It's just that I love writing and I do understand where and when I'm gonna write seriously and not just for having fun like I do almost all the time 
2 weeks ago I was weak and sad  Because I believed on someone untrustable  For several months  But now I'm getting used to happiness Somehow it's funny  'Cause somewhere in time I read in the newspaper: 'Oh!!! Sagitarius Don't you get used to sadness You are able to get happy situations  It's up to you!!!' And, well, it was a sign  Like those signs refered by Billy Corgan inside the songs of Gish...  I guess...  Mmmmh... I'm kidding, of course

I disagree with philosophy But YEaH!!! Whatever, Nietszche wrote in someway or another: 'Signs are prefered by those wich are so uncertain about their lifes, that they need some kind of orientation'   What was all about signs? Oh, of course...

Everyday since she changed, I used to wake up at 6 a.m.   abruptly   from a terrific dream  and asked myself with painful beats of my heart: 'Are you slept now? Have you just awake? Are you goin' to school?  Are you taking a shower?'  And the point was that my thoughts were meaningless  With no direction at all  As Fiona Apple's song points out:

'What a wasted unconditional love!!!!

... On someone who doesn't believe in the stars'

I was numb and powerless from january to may  What an asshole!!!  I wrote her several letters  I was extremely sincere and patient  I really loved her  Even though she didn't fix me at all  I even liked the fact that she was just like she was  Completely opposite to me  

Like Kurt Cobain sang:

'Opposites attract'

She's not used to read a single book, for example  Not even for a year!!!  She loves to dance and to drink that kind of drinks I hate so much  -not related to kloster or guiness or jw and so on- And I'm afraid she was also too simple for me  But well you can't decide about it   You are just what you are and it doesn't matter when you feel attracted to someone  Love it's not a thing that you pick up  It's just like a ding dong knocking at your door  -whenever that door it's located-

And for several days I was like a zombie...  

But one friday I saw and I felt and I smelled and I had a crush  And I opened my eyes, unexpectedly!!! 

An unknown gorgeous lady emerged from nowhere  With diabolic kittie green eyes Enigmatic as The Sweet Hereafter  Young as the tales of Holloway Horns... The way it has happened The words that have been spelled out The facts that have been working out  The sensation of her lips so warm and soft  Like a burning-freezing touch...

It's awesome!!!  And I'm scared of feeling so happy  But I stopped making questions and I'm able to freely let it flow  Happiness it's, well, strange to me  But the best fit!!!

The Way Things Are

The nights were awful and too dark, to see you. The days were terrible and too hot, to touch you. Your mouth was too quiet, to kiss you. Your hair was too fragile, to caress. But I was really in love with you. All I miss right now is the scent of your love. Once you wanted to give it to me, and I rejected it.

There were some really good things. The intense smell of your lips. The huge landscape of your neckline. The beauty of your hair dangling between my hands. The mystery inside your feisty honey eyes when I looked at you. Despite I was really in love with you, I couldn't stop thinking that you were younger than me. 

I hope to resign myself soon. I can't stop listening Fiona Apple.