Love Myself Better Than You

A month ago, I was sick. Thursday morning, I had an interview outside the city. I woke up early that day. I was nervous, but fine. Basically, I had to speak about my own research to some peers. Every time I have to do something like this, I feel anxious and kind of stressed. The interview happened as I expected, I felt smart enough, but immediately, as I took the car to return to the city, I started to sneeze, as If I just got the flu. My eyes watered all the time. I could not breathe at all. I had a headache, and I was, from one minute to another, surprisingly weak. I had a meeting in the evening -a celebration for the year that it is about to finish-, and I really wanted to go, but at that point I felt so sick that all I was able to do, was to rest in bed.

I had a terrible night. My nose was full of snot all the time, and I started to have sore throat. All night long I was feeling bad, and I could not sleep at all. I did not want to be as sick as I was a month ago. At the beginning, I thought it was a sort of allergie, but after that terrible night, I was convinced I was about to become ill, again.

The physician told me that maybe it was an allergie, but also that it might be possible that my immune system is a disaster. As I leave the city a morning before, I was close to a nurse, and all the week I was close to a guy who got the flu. Damm it. It is possible that I was stressed enough to ignore the illness, but as I stopped being stressed the illness came out. 

I have spent the last three days in bed, and now I feel better but weak. I still cannot breathe completely well. I cough terribly once in a while. I have experiments to do, and I am afraid to get worse if I leave my house and expose myself to pollution. The last time I was sick, I was in bed for almost two weeks. 

via GIPHY

I really hate most people. Most of them are irresponsible, when they cough and sneeze freely without any precaution. They do not seem to give a fuck if they infect someone else. On the other hand, it is amazing that viruses run freely in the wind. They are invisible, but could be letal. People fears of God, but they should be afraid of Nature. 

I am so fragile -my health is so fragile- that I cannot stop thinking why does it seem too damn difficult to wear a scarfe or anything else to cover up your mouth when you are fucking sick.

On A Plain (Unplugged)

On A Plain (Nevermind)